My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Randomize
