my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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