dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
