There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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