We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
