my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
