im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm getting married
To pizza
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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