So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
