DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
