I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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