what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
