Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
