if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
