Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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