At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm having to shit out rocks
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
