I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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