It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
