I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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