Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
