he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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