neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
