Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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