you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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