We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
