im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
third nipple confirmed
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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