We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
