Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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