So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
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