He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
