Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
