So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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