I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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