I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
