Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
