white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
