He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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