When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
