I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
