I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
