quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
