i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
