Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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