watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
