she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
okay pat passed out under dana's car
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
