what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize