i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
