just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Four minutes until I can fart!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
