I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
