im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
