i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
