as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
