he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
