i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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