I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
